On My Nightstand: Fall 2023

About a year ago, I was listening to Brene Brown’s podcast interview with these world’s leading relationship scientists. I was fascinated by their playful yet scientific conversation about the little things that lead to more intimacy, joy and connection, and I picked up the book to see whether there might be areas of growth for me and my beloved.

The book is meant to be read in seven days, with a new habit to introduce into your relationship each day. The theory behind each actionable item is backed by years of scientific data from the Gottmans’ “Love Lab,” but the habits are simple and easy to immediately incorporate. One of the steps, “making contact,” includes asking questions like “What do you need from me today?” and turning toward your spouse to listen to the answer. Another step is simply saying “Thank you” and being specific, and meaning it. Other steps include non-negotiable date nights, touch and asking big questions.

Although I believe my husband and I have a strong marriage, I found that incorporating these habits with intention led to more time really listening and paying attention to each other. The program reminded us that with all the different roles and responsibilities we have, our relationship is the most important thing to both of us. I also believe some of the steps are useful in relationships with our adult children and other loved ones. This book is fantastic for anyone who wants to take their relationships to a higher level.

Review by Barb Gelb

When I visit places on vacation, domestic or abroad, I always make a point of stopping in a bookstore or two to bring back books that help me understand the place better. Often, I’ll also look for books about the local Jewish community, when relevant. Many years ago, on a tour around Ireland, I could not resist purchasing an obscure, charming collection of short stories titled Who Ever Heard of an Irish Jew?

Last year, on a trip to England, I came across this book with a loud cover shouting at me. As someone who loves reading anything about Jews and Judaism apart from antisemitism, I resisted this one, strolled around the rest of the bookstore, picked up some other choice reads... but came back to it. Perhaps it was all the impressive people lauding it on the front cover: historian Simon Schama, actor Stephen Fry, comedian Sarah Silverman, screenwriter Neil Gaiman, etc. As depressing as the subject is, the book promised to open a window onto life for Jews in England today.

I managed to avoid it until now, but October 7 and its aftermath led me back to it. The author is well known as a comedian, playwright and writer in England, someone who is open about his Jewish identity and makes it central to his material. His Judaism is quirky—atheist, though wore a kippah in his Jewish elementary school; Saturdays are for soccer games—but the only word on his Twitter account is, provocatively, “Jew.”

Written in a breezy and incisive style, the book recounts various ways that “Jews don't count,” that antisemitism is downplayed, overlooked or excused compared to other forms of hatred or oppression. Baddiel focuses mostly on the British left—a group with whom he largely identifies—but glances at the right as well, and comments on events in the US. Antisemitism is often ignored because Jews are considered “white,” “privileged,” “rich” and therefore don’t fall under the categories of oppression that are prized by the left. His examples, many taken from Twitter, are drawn from politics, entertainment, sports—the notorious association of certain soccer clubs in England and elsewhere with local Jewish communities leading to vicious antisemitic slogans and curses. 

Although he doesn't focus on Israel particularly, we have seen all too clearly how easily antisemitism has morphed into anti-Zionism and become one and the same. Alas, the oldest hatred has returned with a vengeance and must be opposed wherever it surfaces.