In creating strong relationships with others, I often say to our staff, “Walk like a ‘two’ more than a ‘one’” and “Walk like a ‘three’ as much as you can.” What does that mean? To me, a person who walks as a “one” has one thing on their mind, to get to the place they need to, as fast as they can, without stopping, without passing “Go.” A person who walks as a “two” is someone who will pause for two seconds, say hello and wish others a good day. These “twos” press pause and attempt to form a relationship.
A “three” is the goal. A three reaches the destination, acknowledges others, but also stops and asks a question to start conversation. A person who walks as a “three” values others and understands that being part of a community means engaging with others.
Clearly, there are times when you have to walk like a “one” because you are late or someone needs you urgently. At moments with slightly more breathing room, you can “take two.” However, “three” is the goal we should always strive for; by doing so, you convey genuine interest in and care for other people, nurturing relationships beyond the transactional sphere of work. A three is what we mean by being a mensch.
Being Consistent
In a school setting, students rely on adults to challenge their minds and nurture their souls. However, they also need our consistent, fair and respectful tone to fully succeed and thrive in our communities. When I meet with new staff members, I share the importance of being consistent in their emotions when dealing with others to make a positive impact on our community. Students, parents and colleagues should be able to predict our responses and emotions, whether it is 9 on a Monday morning or 2 on a Friday afternoon. Being steady with our emotions helps build the strong relationships to which we aspire.
Clooping
Eight years ago, Heschel invited Dan Levine, president and founder of Engaging Minds, to lead a professional development workshop for our staff about the importance of building strong relationships. One of the many lessons he shared was the value of “clooping,” meaning “closing the loop.” For example, after having a parent conference where an action plan is made, “close the loop” later and ask the parents how the child is progressing. If a student confides in you that a challenge has come up, a week or two after you help them, check in and see if anything is better. If a colleague shares something with you, approach them later and check in on them. “Clooping” has become part of our school’s dictionary and a value we hold strong in our community.
